Consistency vs Stability: Which Do I Need?

What is it that I need? I need to feel safe with a man and that looks like consistent stability.

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During my early years of growing up I had consistent contact with my father. Once my mom and he spilt up, I would spend majority of my time over to his house during school breaks. We did a lot of bonding activities together, even activities that included my mom. In my child eyes, we were still a family. As I was becoming of age, nearing puberty, things took a change in course. I no longer saw my father as often as I once did. I sought after him desperately, yearning for his attention and time that he once provided me with. Uncertainty arose when it came down to knowing whether or not I would see my father or even hear from him on a steady basis. Once I started dating, I would seek after these same habits of behavior in the men that I showed interest in. My relationships would consist of me not knowing whether or not the man I was dating would stay in my life. When I actually did date a man in which things seemed to be going steady and the man was providing me with the things that I truly needed, I would do something to destroy it all. I did not like it, it was foreign to me and scared me tremendously. Afterall, I was not used to that and did not have that sort of behavior modeled for me. On today, while watching an episode of the new TV show series titled, "Monogamy" by Craig Ross Jr, I became overwhelmingly affected by a part in the scene. As I reflected on why, I uncovered that it was very similar to one of my truths. I broke out in a hysterical cry and immediately ran to write about this experience. I now feel much lighter.

XOXO,

Her InnerG

Photo Credit: Alexandra by Maxwell Dickson